we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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