but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
