Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You pole danced in your parka.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
