Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
