no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
