it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
