I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
