too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
