We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
