Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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