How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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