well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
