I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
