I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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