1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
