Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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