That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
