so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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