Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
