hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
