it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
