Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
