I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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