haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
