we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
