So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
