I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
