I wannas sexs uuuuu
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize