I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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