he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
