"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
