apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
