I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
is wine microwaveable?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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