Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Randomize
