her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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