the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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