also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
be right there i have to get my cape
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
