:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
