genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
