I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
