I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize