i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
