They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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