Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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