Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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