Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
