oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
