I wish I only lived at night.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm both gender and math confused
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
