I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
