someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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