hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
