I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
