how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
