Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
