I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
