I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I would fuck him just for his dog
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
