I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
