i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
