i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
