Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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