im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
false alarm, still single
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