Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize