Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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