I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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