After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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