Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
