we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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