so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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